Saddam and Osam

Hellooo Everyone:

After smoking outside under the front patio (it is these wooden stairs under the house, next to a fig tree, except it is not really a fig tree because it does not have any figs; I just like to call it a fig tree, because it seems like one to me), I walked across the living room in the dark, which is above my parents' bedroom. "I'm walking hither and thither above my parents' heads like Satan," I thought. "Self, what a horrible thought!" my responsible alter-ego immediately thought. Hahaha.

That time that B-Scoot and Dan and I were in Makella's car (before it had its meltdown in the drive-through), I was high so I was talking a lot from my place in the backseat, and I said to Dan in a weird-sounding elitist voice, "I studied other various arts," and then I realized how bizarre I sounded and I laughed a lot, but he was very patient, and just sat there.

Also he scrupulously avoids smoking weed, in case he ever wants to join the FBI or CIA or whatever (I forget).

I, for one, am going to be a professor, and would never want a government job, and plus professors can smoke all they want, as long as they write their papers, and attend faculty meetings, and talk about the great virtues of literature. And that is what I intend to do. So that means I can smoke with abandon.

Vladimir Putin is a really creepy man. And he has no joy in his heart. Saddam, on the other hand, for all his evils (and there are many), seems like he would be secretly jolly, as long as he was kept away from weapons and chemicals and all kinds of power. Tonight at work I was in the office receiving my paycheck when I saw a piece of foreign money with a picture of a young-looking Saddam on it tacked to the bulletin board, and I said, "Whoa, is that a young-looking Saddam?" and Mahmoud said, "Yes," and he smiled a small smile, which is not something he usually does.

Also, about all the terrorists, and Saddam and Osam and all of Al-Qaida and the Taliban and the Shiite clerics and al-Zawahiri and Motqada al-Sadr and all who promote violence and WAR, I still say that we lock them in a special facility and pump it full of the finest marijuana smoke and just keep them very stoned and away from the rest of humankind, maybe in Russia or somewhere, and we would give them lots of good food and drink and Korans and edifying books and hookahs and robes and clean bathrooms and shit, but they would all have to spend the rest of their lives in that facility and be pumped full of marijuana smoke and marijuana-laced food morning, noon, and night, and the world's terrorism problems would be solved, at least with al-Qaida. Nobody understands the true solution. I know it is bizarre but seriously, it would work, and then we wouldn't have to worry about torture scandals in our prisons, and the cost of maintaining the pot-against-terrorism facility would cost a hell of a lot less than making senseless WAR.

Today Luis told me that if he ever got a divorce, he would want to marry either Jennifer Lopez or this customer broad Carolyn who comes in sometimes.

And that is all.