Woman, Behold Thy Son. Haaaaa.

Dude, I just smoked on the upstairs balcony, and it was crazy. It was the late-night smoke in my daily routine.

First from like 12:45-12:55pm I have my pre-work smoke, which starts the day off right and puts me in a splendid and generous humour to deal with asshole customers and crazy people, and a great zeal to do lots of work. Then there is my break smoke, which revivifies me and sustains me until we close at 9, and then there is the late-night smoke back at home, sometime between midnight and 4am. I am a true pothead it seems. It is a great and glorious cycle fuelled by Mexican goodness. And I am a cunning spirit. So my chronicles are high when they happen and high when I write them down as well. And that is how this whole operation works.

Luis was telling me about these special drinks they have in Mexico, with flavours like watermelon and cantaloupe and guava and tamarind and such. "When you drink it, you feel the fruit," he said very earnestly.
"Whoa," I said.

I stood behind the register and saw a Muslim broad and her son approaching the restaurant. "Woman, behold thy son," I thought in a creepy Biblical voice (it is from the gospel of John, where Jesus says to Mother Mary during the crucifixion, 'Woman, behold thy son,' and he drank vinegar and GALL from a sponge on a stick, and was naked, and then people wrote about the fact that he was naked, or didn't, and it appeared in the Middle English Religious Vernacular, and then the Sage came along and decided to write whole papers on representations of the crucified Christ's nakedness, and her father was kind of horrified).

Duuude, today at work there was this older Italian guy who talked really really fast like an auctioneer, and he tried to tell me about how I should convert to this fucked-up sect of Messianic Judaism (and I thought, "Uhhh, but I'm black") and he told me about the First Fruits of Zion, and I was like, "Whoa, this is fucked UP." But I was really high, and had nothing better to do, so I listened while he shared his beliefs and said, "Whoa," and thought over and over, "This shit is fucked UP."

Like, he mentioned the terrorists, and the early church, and the Emperor Constantine, and the various gospels, and he gave me this handout which I put in my pocket so I could laugh at it later (which I have done, believe ME). And then his to-go order was ready, and he left, and I told Armando about it, and Armando shook his head and said something in Spanish.
Sometimes Armando wears flared black jeans.

Actually my bosses are devout Muslims and they pray five times a day and sometimes when I am high I ask them questions about their various rituals. Like, Mazen and Mahmoud and Kamal go to this nearby mosque on Fridays after lunch to pray, and and they all remove their shoes and line up in tight rows and fall down to prostrate themselves all at once (which is actually kind of creepy to watch on tv), but they don't bring their own prayer rugs like they do in some countries, because the carpet is immaculate and gets shampooed every day. It is true.
I was like, "Fatima, where are Mazen and Mahmoud and Kamal?" (because I thought they had just gone up to the office to take naps or something, because they have all these private beds and shit upstairs)
Fatima said, "Prayers," with her mouth full.
"PRAYERS?" I said, "What prayers?" And then she edified me.

Dude, like a month ago before I started working at VineRipe when I was still looking for a summer job, I was applying at Target, and the computerized application said, "Target prides itself on being a Drug-Free Workplace. Upon hiring, your employment is contingent upon passing an initial drug test," and I was like, "Oh HELL NO, MOTHERFUCKERS," and I got up and walked out without finishing the application. I am not going to spend a summer in Southern California without reaping the fruits of its glory. That is outrageous.

Wow, this shit is crazy. I have to roam the Internet and find bizarre pictures of things, and provide commentary on the news. It is a good high pastime.
~Sage

John 19:16-27: When Jesus therefor saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, "Woman, behold thy son!" Then saith he to the disciple, "Behold thy mother!" And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.

HAAAAAAAAA, that was your Bible verse of the day.