Saddam And Osama's Secret Love Nest

Once at a rest stop in western Ohio, there was this tabloid magazine whose cover said, "SADDAM AND OSAMA'S SECRET LOVE NEST!!!!" and it showed a doctored photo of Osam sitting and smiling serenely while Saddam reclined in his lap with a sensual grin, and I now really wish I had bought it. Because it Saddam and Osam were having a secret gay love affair (even though I know it is not geographically possible, because Saddam is in jail in Baghdad and Osam is off in the Tora Bora mountains with his crew), it would be, like, the greatest and most pricelessly funny thing ever.

"NOBODY in Afghanistan speaks Arabic!" Ramin said to me, as if it was an outrageous thing.
"But Osama is there, and he speaks Arabic," I said. "How does he manage himself?"
"He rolls with his own crew," said Ramin.

Dude, this was an excerpt from a bizarre article on msnbc.com:

But what about those instances where there's no opportunity for eye contact or sizing up, like the time a fellow darted across four lanes of traffic in order to hand a cassette full of Christmas music to Jonathan Shipley, a 32-year-old writer from Seattle. "He told me he couldn't keep it because whenever his wife listened to 'Joy to the World,' she heard children being strangled in the background," says Shipley. He says he's had many such run-ins over the years, including a recent beating aboard a bus by an umbrella-wielding transient who felt Shipley should be "writing it in his mind" instead of on his laptop.

Well I have never heard of such a thing. And now I will probably think of that when I hear "Joy to the World," and it will be disturbing.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14124484/

"And that, in itself, boosts her faith," my mom just said into the phone. I was like, "whaaat?" Sometimes she says things that do not make sense in any context.

You know that part in Mary Poppins when all the guys in the black clothing and makeup sing, "Chim-chiminy, chim-chiminy, chim-chim-charooo"? I always thought it was very, very creepy.
"Sage, you have eyes like a radar," Mahmoud said to me. Armando and I often have nightmares about work, so we share them with each other, and exchange sympathies.

I just saw a news photo of 3 Chinese policemen clubbing a dog to death with long sticks, and it was unexpected and appalling, so I will NOT include the link. Apparently they killed 50,000 dogs in southwestern China because of a rabies outbreak, and only military and police dogs were spared. That is a terrible thing to do. I am not the world's biggest lover of dogs, but it still grieves me when they die, unless they, like, killed a lot of children for no reason or something.

In China they often have disasters of a great magnitude, like the avian flu and mine explosions and pollution events and floods and SARS.

Yesterday I saw a voluptuous African broad (she had just gotten off a plane, and was very hungry) with the most prodigious ass I had ever SEEN. "It follows her like a great BARGE!" I said to Luis, and he raised his eyebrows, because he saw it as well. And he has a great love of voluptuous asses.

And today at work I saw an empty shopping cart careening across the parking lot on its own accord, until it hit the curb with a great crash. It frightens me when carts move on their own accord. It is like they are coming to life and asserting their will.

I wonder if people ever take their carts into the bathroom with them.

When I read online that Bush had passed his annual physical and was found to be in good health, I felt slightly disappointed.

That is all.
~Sage