Saddam Hospitalized For Hunger

It is really great to enjoy things that come from the earth, and that is why I am a vegan, and a pothead as well, and live a harmonious lifestyle. It is true.

One day last summer my dad and I were driving in the car when he said, "Have you ever thought of being an O.B.Gyn?" and I said, "Dad, I have nothing against vagges, but I don't want to look at them all DAY."

"Oh," he said, and did not ask me the same question again, although he recently asked if I'd ever thought of being a veterinarian (which I had not, and would not want to do, because I am not overly fond of dogs except for particular ones like Cinque and Moshi and Sahara, and also I hate practical things like chemistry, and biology, and exams). And for awhile he wanted me to go to law school, but I have seen the things they have to read in there, and I did not like them.

And I shall spend the rest of my life talking about the virtues of literature, which is really impractical, but a great way to make a living. I am particularly interested in feminist literary theory, and representations of the nakedness of the crucified Christ, and Middle English literature in general (which is ridiculous), and the places where words come from and the ways they develop over time.

Also I know a lot of olden-time slang for genitals and prostitutes and stuff, which is useless, but comes in handy when you're reading shit from medieval mystics, because there is a lot of strange love for Christ that is kind of perplexing in its nature. And talking about literature will take me on a lot of strange paths.

"Saddam hospitalized for hunger," said the headline. "Sad-DAM," I said reprovingly. Remember when those pictures of him in his underwear were released like last year? That was something I did not need to see.

Also, last month he went on a hunger strike as well, but he only skipped lunch, and then ate dinner as usual. I laughed at him.

The other night on Cheaters, a voluptuous black broad's man was cheating on her with a voluptuous white broad, and there was a great confrontation, and the black broad (who was also like 2 months pregnant, but not really showing yet) put up her hand and said to the man, "Fine, you GO with the white bitch!" (which ignited a catfight that was like a race war), and then after the fight the white broad hit the man over the head, but drove him home anyway. It was a great episode, and my sister and I howled with laughter.

Yesterday on my break I ate a hummus-lettuce-tomato-pickle wrap AND a hummus appetizer, and Mahmoud said, "Carissa, you are a MONSTER." (he was in a strange and fleeting humorous mood).

He loves to drink this special tea out of a glass, and survey the world, and order people around, and send and receive text messages. Those are his great pleasures. Also he likes the company of the ladies, but he is not always very successful with them.

Yesterday Ramin said to Anwar, "Wassup, Osama?" and Anwar grabbed him by the arm, and Ramin said, "Yo, I got a family to support, I can't get beat up," and Anwar laughed and released him. Anwar is Pakistani and has a full beard and scholarly glasses (even though he is only like 20) and is kind of voluptuous, but he does not really look like Osama. He is more like a large bearded Muslim stuffed animal, that strolls about the world and eats potato chips. And I do not make Osama jokes at work, but Ramin is allowed, since he is Afghani and has only been in the U.S. for 5 years. Sometimes at home, though, I make very serious and soulful Osama faces in the mirror (I have a secret gift of Osama impressions), and laugh hysterically, but that is kind of sacreligious, so I do not do it in public.

And right now I am ROCKING OUT to Disc 1 of Led Zeppelin's Physical Graffiti. It is a vital piece of classic rock.

At work there is this new broad named Kolina Koleva (she is originally Bulgarian), and she often dances for no reason, like when she is walking and eating and ringing people up, and it is very creepy. Sealay said to me, "She can't do that. She'll scare the customers" (because some of them are very old, or very devout Muslims, and they might think, "Who the hell is this broad and why is she dancing for no reason?"). And Kamal put on his glasses, and peered at Kolina, but she did not notice everyone staring at her.

And that is all. I am going to troll the Internet for great news, and make high commentary upon it.
~Sage